it was cold when i met you. i mean when i'd really met you. i wrapped myself in your warmth and felt it creep underneath my skin. i never invited you in but i let you make yourself at home. in voices i'd never heard before—some of them mine, some of them yours—i found heaven on earth. i found it in hell, in you, and even in me. but i didn't know until i really, really knew. i found the start at my fingertips. i found that the end was nonexistent. when you let me in, did you feel it too? i couldn't want you—couldn't even have tried to. but i needed you for as long as you had let me.
purple yellow green and blue
salted skin and dented wood
with ugly music stuck in my head
call them
if i could've, i would've
made killers out of us
i swear
i swear
i swear
but i was in your place, learning false patience
forgetting how to strike a match for myself
and while you watched me burn for others
become
pathetic, black and grey powder
against my will,
for my "survival"
every night
over and over
you wept guilt
let a crown of splinters grow around you
slowly, but mercilessly
i lost you in there
left you to rot
so you could melt into the precious soil
that you love so much
where the sky is pink and red and orange
the sweet, earthy air is smothering
clinging to your skin in a sweaty embrace
it sounds like lightning is near
but you still feel alone
when the weather is warm but it's raining
there's a weight in your chest
like love or misery
or maybe both
it's an irreplaceable feeling
a longing you'll never have again
an ache you'll never feel again
a summer you'll never live again
a taste you'll never forget